How Authenticity Builds Confidence & How to be Confidently Authentic!
Being authentic builds our confidence but it also requires some courage to be authentic! So how do we actually become more authentic in our business? And why would we want to?
Firstly, when we talk about authenticity, we’re really talking about being our true selves. And being our true selves means that we can illuminate every single unique aspect of who we really are.
In business this means bringing all of you to the table and it means adopting business strategies that honour your strengths, your preferences, your energy and your personality.
It’s hard to find someone who is 100% authentic every moment of their day.
But it’s worth striving for, because
The pay-off of being authentic is more freedom, happiness, energy & confidence.
From a business perspective, being authentic makes your life so much easier! It let’s you do work that feels fun for you, it naturally makes you stand-out in the market and attracts more ideal clients that are a dream to work with (but that’s side-tracking a bit, so I’ll park that for a later blog).
So let’s get back to why you’re here: Being authentic to build confidence and how to be confidently authentic… because being authentic can be hard!
For most women, we have been brought up as people pleasers or someone who needs to live up to mum or dad’s or society’s expectations. Or we just want to fit in and not be a little wierdo!
We humans, really struggle to be our authentic selves!
But being authentic is so important, because if we’re not, if we don’t truly live how we want to live or be the people that we really want to be, we end up with a life that is fake and feels pretty shitty!
In terms of our business, if we create from this place, we’ll make a business that may be in the short term gratifying, but in the long term, deeply dissatisfying and hard-work.
At the extreme end of it, we end up losing our sense of our inner needs and wants and life becomes shades of black and white, instead of the glorious rainbow that it should be!
Have you ever had the thought of:
I don’t really know who I am anymore; Or
I don’t really know what I like anymore; Or
I don’t know what it feels like to be free or have REAL fun?
Have you ever had the feeling of being trapped in your life?
This is because you aren’t being yourself. You aren’t being who you really want to be.
And I’m speaking from experience here. This is why I teach what I teach! It’s because I’ve been there and done that and found ways to get out! I have felt that time in my life, when I wasn’t really truly expressing the person who I really wanted to be.
I know what it’s like to suppress the true you.
I know what it’s like to do what is expected of you, not what you want to do.
I remember feeling like I was bursting to come out. But instead I followed the crowd and I did what I thought I was needed to do. You know, the 9–5 job, the vision of climbing the corporate ladder etc etc. But inside I was really dying. I was like
Who am I? And what do I want to do? Is this is the rest of my life where I’m just going to have to fake it?
Being authentic is really important for building your confidence. Because if you live a life that is not real for you, you start cutting yourself off from your higher self, who wants the best of you to be expressed in the world.
So I can see that authenticity is important and you say that being authentic builds confidence… but what if I’m not confident enough to be authentic?
Yes, that’s quite a conundrum right? So let’s just start with one end of the stick: Authenticity to grow confidence.
Being authentic is really about:
- Aligning with your spirit and your higher self
- Living true to your values & morals
- Doing what makes you happy
- Being the kind of person that you want to be and not what others expect of you.
And on the flip side, being inauthentic is when we get into people pleasing and we try to live up to the expectations of others. We start losing who it is that we are and we hide parts of ourselves to fit in.
I understand. These are all things that I’ve done before. So I know that I’m speaking from experience!
But you know what?
The more that I embraced me and shared the real me, in my life and my business, the more I felt free! I didn’t have to use so much energy putting up a front.
My confidence grew. My creativity thrived. I gave more time and attention to things I loved and I was happier.
I felt like everything that flowed to me was elevating and propelling me in the direction that was exciting and aligned and felt awesome! Because, I was no longer hiding my true self.
We don’t need to do any of this fake stuff. We don’t need to try to pretend to be someone else.
This is where we get into the territory of imposter syndrome -and this only happens when you’re being inauthentic in your mission to grow.
This is the “fake it till you make it” strategy. So outdated! Such a masculine way of being. It’s got push, push, push energy and fear as the motivator. It’s ego-driven.
The more compassionate and authentic way of stepping out of your comfort zone to grow, would be to first acknowledge the discomfort you have.
Ask yourself:
- Is this what someone else wants of me?
- Is this step someone else’s dream?
- Am I faking it because I’m not living my truth or hiding away?
If you answered yes to any of these, then you need to pause and pay attention, because you ARE being an imposter. That’s the truth of it!
These feelings of inadequacy only come when we feel when we are being inauthentic (okay there are probably some self-worth issues here too, but let’s just stick to this topic for now!).
If we allow every single action to be truly ours, there is no reason for us to feel that we don’t fit in or don’t belong or are inadequate.
Because, if what we create and offer to the world (whether that’s through our business or in our lives), comes from that higher-self, that soul-aligned, authentic place, we honour where we actually are and what we honestly are capable of offering.
The truth is though, being yourself can be painful!
Because when you start to be yourself, you change the dynamics of every relationship that you have.
The more that you start being more of yourself, you’re either going to invite your friends, family, colleagues and clients to become more of themselves as well.
They’re going to either walk with you, or go “What the fuck is up with you?” and shun you. Now that can be rough, because at your most vulnerable, you’ve been outed by your close companions.
But that’s alright!
Because, you being your true shining, beautiful self, is going to attract those who are also being that:
The quality of your relationships from this moment on are going to be deeper and more authentic!
And there will be absolutely nothing to hide and you wont want to. Because your new posse will embrace all of you, which will elevate your confidence in yourself.
So which kind of relationships would you prefer? The fake ones, or the real ones?
On an energetic level, having to keep up a persona drains you and personally, I want real conversations and interactions that energise me!
If you are choose to have the real, authentic relationships, then you need to get real too. Yes, you may lose friends. You may lose clients. Yes, the dynamics will change.
But ultimately, it’s your happiness and freedom that’s at stake here! And if we don’t be our authentic self, we literally trap ourselves in our own shit!
You are going to need to be courageous to live more authentically, for your pleasure, happiness and freedom.
So how can I be confidently authentic?
Plainly — you gotta leave behind your ego! And that means that you have to be prepared to have those judgments come towards you. You will need to lean into the face of the storm.
A practical way to prepare yourself is this:
- Write down every possibility of what people will say and think about you. EVERYTHING. The Good, The Bad and The Ugly! Start getting really comfortable with it ALL!
- Ask yourself: Am I prepared to potentially lose that relationship or have that relationship dynamic change?
When it starts to get a bit uncomfortable (and it will) just remember what you’re aiming for — your freedom of expression and your happiness!
There’s a final reason that needs to be said about why we should strive for our authenticity and it’s beyond confidence:
Being authentic is igniting that connection with soul/spirit. It reminds you why you’re here and what you’re here to do in the world.
When we create from this place, through our business (or our life), we create magic for both ourselves and our clients.
Isn’t that the BEST reason to start being authentically you?
Originally published at https://www.nikchung.com on December 30, 2018.
